L-i-F-e L-i-V-e

It is time.. again

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:53:36 GMT

It's that time of the year again. Time to sit on a rock and think.

Time to think about my priorities. Time to re-evaluate my use of time. (*Ahem. I shouldn't be blogging now. I should be doing my packing)

It's time to sit down and look at which direction I am going - think about where I am going and whether I am doing the right things.

It's funny how I seem to blog the night before a camp.

I'm excited about tomorrow. Looking forward to it. But at the same time, a wee bit reluctant to leave the comfort of home - my comfy bed and lovely house. Oh well, it's going to be fun =)

Ok, looks like my sitting on the rock time will have to be postponed until after the camp. haha.

Was blinded, but now I see...

Tue, 31 Mar 2009 04:13:28 GMT

Today at DEAF 101 class, we learnt about directions. Sara took us on a tour around uni and taught us how to ask for and give directions. We passed by heaps of hearing people. Near the EA building, there were a few of my friends. I pretended not to see them. When Sara asked me a question, I answered but felt self-conscious about signing in front of my friends.

Near the vending machine at Murphy level 3, we were standing in a semi-circle with Sara teaching us. One lady stood near and wanted to walk past. She stopped for a few seconds, and pretended not to look at us. Sara signed to her to just walk past, with a smile. The sign wasn�t even a special sign that only NZSL learners can understand. It was a normal sign that hearing people would also use, to say, come, come. Just walk past. Guess what? The lady turned and walked away. Sara just smiled and continued teaching us.

Is this what the Deaf community calls stigma? Stigma attached to signing? To be honest, I feel quite self-conscious about signing in public � signing when I�m walking, if there are people around. Why should we feel embarrassed? NZSL is a language, just like any other language. If we can speak Spanish unashamedly in public, or any other language, why not NZSL?

I used to feel excluded when I saw Deaf people signing to each other because I didn�t understand what they were saying. But today, I felt like I was part of the visual community. Seeing the response of the lady at Murphy level 3, and seeing the response of other people, for once, I felt like I was part of the Deaf community.

My first defining moment during DEAF 101 was during the first class we had with Sara. She did something really symbolic. She told us to turn off our voices, and passed a box labeled �voicebox� around for us to throw our voices in. It was a defining moment for me. That day, for the first time in my life, I entered the world of the signers � a silent but visual world, full of animated actions and facial expressions.

Today was my second defining moment. We�ve always had our DEAF 101 Tue class in MY 404, but today, for the first part of the lesson, we had a live lesson walking around uni, learning directions. I feel like it�s us, the signers, emerging out of the unnoticed class, showing the rest of the university community that we exist. And seeing how they responded. Some looked amused and pretty curious. A few others tried to look the other way. I think I understand a bit more now, why there is a need for NZSL week. I understand a bit more now, why the Deaf are Deaf with a capital D. They are not a group of disabled people; they are a language community, with their own unique language and identity. We need greater awareness of this community � to learn not to feel strange around them, but to connect with them. The Deaf and Hearing world needs a connecting bridge.

On a less serious note, class today was super fun. We played a game called Hot / Cold. Someone hid the duster and one person had to find it, based on clues from the group. The group would sign hot / cold in varying degrees, depending on whether the finder was near the duster or further away from it. It was really fun and very entertaining.

Today a classmate commented that he was really fascinated with Rachel�s skills. Rachel is our lecturer for the Monday class. She�s a hearing person, married to a Deaf guy. She has the ability to talk in English and sign in NZSL at the same time. It never occurred to me how tricky that was, until this classmate commented that the grammar of the two languages was so different. For example: How many students are there in the class? (English) vs Students in the class how many? (NZSL). Imagine talking in connected speech, with strings of sentences, and signing at the same time! My brain would get pretty messed up! This classmate said that it would be cool to be able to do that. Imagine telling someone, �Hey, I can speak two languages at the same time.� You can�t do that with two auditory languages, but you can do it with one visual and one auditory language. Isn�t that cool? Thanks, mate! Your comment made me feel a sense of real pride that we�re learning NZSL.

Today Sara also took us to say hi to David at his office. Each of us introduced ourselves to David. It felt good, because it made me feel recognized; It made me feel acknowledged as someone who was in the process of wanting to become part of the Deaf community. I don�t know if I will ever be able to join the actual Deaf community, but it feels good to be on the fringes of it. I�m still hoping that I will get my name sign. I wonder when�

Last but not least, NZSL WEEK IS COMING UP! CHECK IT OUT! Check out Deaf.org.nz nzsign.co.nz and www.deaffilmfest.co.nz

For NZSL classes check out www.nzslta.org.nz

Sometimes I wondered whether I made the right decision in choosing to take DEAF 101. After today's defining moment, I wonder no more... I wouldn't trade these experiences for anything in the world.. (with the exception of having Jesus in my life and seeing others come to know Him)

Random encounter

Thu, 26 Mar 2009 01:11:40 GMT

I was walking up the steps when I saw him.

He looked straight at me. I looked straight at him. We both stopped in our tracks.

One mili-second later, we continued walking - I went up, he came down. We passed each other without a word.

As I was nearing the top of the steps, I turned around. So did he. We looked at each other once more, for another mili-second. Then, we turned back and went on our way.

He has brownish fur and looks pretty much like a hairball. Much fatter compared to the Malaysian version.

I was talking about a cat. What were you thinking?

Haha.

Talking about assumptions, in writing this, I'm assuming the cat was a male.

Red paper packages tied up with string..

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 11:17:26 GMT

Today is Pa's birthday.

I called home once just now but nobody answered the phone. Maybe nobody's home. Maybe I should have called an hour ago.

I used to get people's birthday cards and gifts sorted and posted before the actual day itself, but due to busyness in the past few weeks, I haven't been able to do that. It seems a bit sad, actually. Am I too busy to take time preparing people's gifts earlier?

Sad.

Please, please let me get through to him. I gotta wish him happy birthday today, otherwise the magic will be gone tomorrow. if i wish tomorrow, no shiok lah..

On a side note, people in Malaysia, please send me some heat..

Speechless

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:31:13 GMT

I think I'm beginning to see what L meant when she said, 'I see God working in my Bible studies with people'.

The people who study the Bible together with me just amaze me. I came from a background and perhaps a culture where we don't ask many questions; we just accept things as they are. But here, I learn that asking questions does not mean that one has no faith. If anything, it deepens your faith because you think through the question and the answer.

I was astounded when someone asked a question I did not expect. Who is Luke? Was Luke there to witness this event? Was Luke living at the time of Jesus? I was absolutely astounded.

I had always assumed that Matthew, Mark, Luke and John were Jesus' disciples. Guess what? I'm wrong. Luke isn't Jesus' disciple. He is a physician. He is a very careful person who investigated everything before writing them down in what we now call the book of Luke. Luke wrote the book 60 years after Jesus had left earth. The events in Jesus' day were passed down to the next generation through oral tradition. I suppose oral tradition in those days was different from oral tradition today.

Dear LT, Thanks so much! I now know another aspect I need to think of when studying the Bible: who is the author of that particular book? How is he like? How did he know about Jesus?

Exciting! Heehee. I can now understand why studying the Bible excites some people =)

Amazed...

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:19:03 GMT

Been doing Bible study for the past few weeks and it has been amazing!

Study 1 (Matt 1-2) was about the birth of Jesus. Learnt about Jesus' names - Jesus (because he will save his people from their sins), Immanuel (God is salvation), Messiah /Christ (the anointed one), King of the Jews, etc. I'd never known what Messiah and Jesus meant until I studied this passage. Studying this put Jesus' birth in context. He did not just come out of the blue. God had planned it right from the very beginning. It was in Old Testament prophecy - Jewish prophets had prophesied about Jesus' birth hundreds of years before it happened. The best part was All these took place to fulfil what the Lord had said through the prophet.

I'm amazed by Joseph's character. I'm amazed at how obedient he is; he listens to the angel of the Lord's instructions. He obeys. He adopts Jesus, who is not his biological child. He goes through a really tough time together with Mary and Jesus, escaping from mad Herod who wanted to kill Jesus. He goes through all these, but Jesus is not even his biological child.

I'm amazed and touched by someone's words:

God has a plan. Even though Joseph, Mary and Jesus go through such a difficult time, God has a plan. So, we don't have to worry.

The person who said this is not a Christian.

Genealogies. I've always thought they were boring. But guess what? There are four notorious women in Jesus' genealogy! In Jewish culture, women were second-class to men, and they are not usually mentioned in genealogies. But here Matthew mentions four women in Jesus' genealogy. And if I remember correctly, some among the women are Gentiles (not Jews).

What is God trying to say? He is making a point: Salvation is for all - whether Jew or not Jew. Jesus has come to save ALL people.

Not very random reflections

Mon, 23 Mar 2009 10:35:41 GMT

Sometimes you discover things about yourself that make you wonder, 'Am I really like that?' You get horrified at first, then you laugh at yourself.. haha

Some things about me:

- I sometimes tend to jump to conclusions and get angry, then realise what the real picture was and wonder how I could be so silly

- I dislike, dislike, dislike creepy crawlies... (But I conquered one milestone regarding that last night. haha)

- I am not very spontaneous when it comes to planning. I prefer everything to be laid out to the very tiniest details, so that I can feel safe that everything will be alright. Even so, I tend to worry that something will go wrong, despite all the careful planning.

Gah!

Sanguine me needs to pass on some of the positive characteristics with regard to organisation, to melancholic me.

Wei, sanguine and melancholic me, cepatlah buat barter trade! haha

On second thought, if I take a personality test again this year, I wonder if I will still get the same results...

By the way, today realisation hit me again. it hit me almost the whole year last year that every cent that I'm living on comes out of the pockets of Malaysians. In some ways, that really motivated me to study hard.

This year, that realisation kind of disappeared.. until voila! It reared its beautiful/ugly head again.. Was clicking around at the vuw website and saw the fees for my DEAF 101 Course: Approximately NZD 2400+.. I really enjoy that class and have a lot of fun. To be honest, I don't think I have been working hard enough for this paper. In my first week, I practised signing almost every day. Now, I seldom practise.. It has become more like a fun paper to take. Of course, it doesn't mean I will be sambil lewa with my tests and assignment.. But yea, the $$$$ figures hit me in the face, and I realised that although this may be a fun paper, I'd better put in a good amount of effort... (Although it wouldn't be as much as the effort I'd need to put in for my two other 300-level papers)

These moments are like a sharp slap on the face, but they are good. I got one of it at church yesterday too. The sermon was like an arrow aimed straight at me. (It felt like I was one of those people the preacher was talking about... haha)

We need these kinds of reminders from time to time.

More random musings

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 11:24:56 GMT

I'm learning some new things this year. There are some lessons in life that I probably should have learnt earlier on, but i guess it's ok that I'm learning them now.

1. Set boundaries. Yes, I can be nice. Yes, the Bible says to go the extra mile, but I think God also doesn't advocate being a doormat. I need to really read what the Bible says about being kind to people. Come to think of it, the description of Love in 1 or 2 Cor mentions that love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. I don't know. I need to find out more.

2. Be assertive. It's ok to tell people what I want.

Sometimes I feel that I help people too much, to the extent that I rob them of the opportunity to learn the skills they need to learn. I guess I need to learn to help people in a way that will help them help themselves, not make them more dependent on me.

On a side note, sometimes I feel that when I'm too nice, I feel that people take me for granted. I like it when people feel that they can depend on me. I get annoyed when people are too shy to ask me for help. But at the same time, I don't like it when I'm treated as if I will do things for people at their beck and call.

How nice is too nice? Maybe I'm just being emo or thinking too much. Jesus laid down everything. But then again, Jesus also rebuked people who needed to be rebuked. In some sense, there's also what I would term the 'tough side' of Jesus.

Life is a journey of lessons.

Random reflections

Wed, 11 Mar 2009 12:39:16 GMT

Complacency - is- not- good.

Procrastination is not good.

Doing things according to one's mood is not good.

Putting things off is not good.

Self-discipline is good.

I know self-discipline is good. But sometimes I find it difficult to keep pushing myself to do things. Maybe motivation needs to come from within, not out of fear of what others will think if I don't get things done. Maybe that's where Colossians 3:23 (Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart as working for the Lord, not for man.) comes in.

Looking for motivation? Think about Colossians 3:23.

You know what? Maybe I should just get down to doing it rather than blogging about it.

Decisions. is it ok to do something just because you feel that it's a pity to let go of it? not a very good reason aye? Which is more important to me? having time to hang out and spend time with people whom I will never see again for the rest of my life (unless I get rich and come back to NZ), or working? But working involves people too - People whom I enjoy knowing and working with, people who add variety to my life.

I only have approximately 8-9 months left in NZ. How do I want to spend this time? Time for some reflection and thinking ^-^

P/S: Today is the birthday of my bff from high school =) Hapee 22nd, Suz! =)

the silent world..

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 01:16:51 GMT

I can't read deeply impacting stuff without getting impacted.

What is it like to live in a silent world? I was reading the memoir of a deaf person and this sentence struck me: In school, I had to be realistic in my choices of subjects as there weren't as many career opportunities for the deaf (Paraphrased)

Remember when you were back in high school? You could choose different subjects. You could dream of becoming a doctor, engineer, teacher, architect, scientist, businessperson, etc.

I don't mean to say this, but why is life unfair? Is it possible to ever get a world where everyone has equal access and equal opportunity?

Such is the harsh reality of life.

In the NT, when the disciples asked Jesus why the man was born blind, Jesus replied that it's not because of the sins of the man's parents or anything like that, but it was so that God's name may be glorified.

Why is there suffering in the world? It is the result of the first sin aye? But surely God can work through that, to make it turn out as something better. (He already did. He sent Jesus as the eternal remedy for sin).

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Lord, please enlighten me...